Shadows
Shadows. Illusions. Shape-shifters. Perhaps cosmic dust that had been spreading since creation. None of us knew what the truth was. However, it was definitely true that the mood of depression and defeat that encapsulated all of us was palpable. Sure, we were all hand-chosen for this mission and had suffered through extensive psychological testing prior to that selection. A more stable group of people could not have been found and, yet, all of us were unnerved by the shadows. Silva had been transformed from a man with huge reservoirs of strength and an unshakeable faith in his own courage and capabilities to a near-catatonic lump of quivering flesh. We debated the merits of leaving him behind as we struggled on. No one wanted to leave him but we had no way to carry him without endangering ourselves. He cried silently as we stuffed him in a cleft in the overhanging rock that almost completely hid him. What we were hiding him from was unknown to us. Those of us who believed in a merciful God said a quiet prayer for him, knowing full well that he would soon be dead.
Now there were only 6 of us left out of the original 35. None of us could even guess what had killed the people we were leaving behind – they had just fallen and died. Each was unmarked, with no wound or evidence of what had killed them. Yet, each face was a grotesque death-mask and terror was plainly etched into their features. We tried to carry the first couple of casualties with us back to the ship but it was beyond our capability. In the perpetual shadows surrounding us, each of us could only look out for ourselves and our own ability to stay upright. Even had there been good lighting, the footing was treacherous. With the shifting shadows, being responsible for dead weight was just not possible.
I took the point only because I was the leader; I wanted to remain in that cleft with Silva and close my eyes. Shut out those illusions, those shapes. Fear is powerful and when all you can see are shadows and those shadows continually evolve into something that reaches deep into our psyche, the fear mutates into something enormously destructive. I had faced dangers and the fear that comes with danger multiple times in my career, but in every case I could see what it was that I was dealing with. Not here. Not even the powerful lamps we carried could remove the shadows – it was like the light was swallowed up; like it couldn’t exist among the shadows; like it didn’t belong. Only 3 more kilometers to our ship and we could leave this place forever.
“Lieutenant, Stewart is missing!” Evans shouted. “He was right behind me and now he’s gone!” Panic was evident in Evans’ voice and that was just as dangerous as the shadows.
“Shut up, Evans! Just stop and get a grip; there’s no reason to lose control!”
What a joke. We had lost control within 24 hours of arriving in this God-forsaken place.
“Everyone just turn around. We’ll backtrack a bit and see if we can find him.”
There was muttering at that but they did turn around and walked slowly back the way we had come. It was a testament to their courage and the training they had received. We were scared and nearly broken, but we were still men. I was scared and close to panic myself; I admit it. Stewart had been riding trail and I was now riding trail. I kept turning and looking behind me, expecting to see whatever it was that was killing us; expecting to die next. Before that could happen, though, the column stopped.
“Here he is, Lieutenant; he’s dead,” Evans muttered. “He looks just like the rest of them did.”
Evans was right – Stewart had the same look of horror on his face that all the other men had when we found them. Saying a silent prayer, I ordered the march to resume, leaving Stewart in the dust and shadows.
We were less than a kilometer from the ship when it occurred to me that I hadn’t heard anything from the men following me for some time. I stopped and forced myself to turn around. Emptiness. Emptiness and shadows. Emptiness and fear. Who knew when the last man died or fell over? My heart hammered at my chest and I knew that the shadows had won.
With grim determination, I turned back toward the ship and started to run. In one of those inexplicable twists of life, the shadows momentarily cleared and I could see the ship standing tall and proud and ready to return me to safety and sanity. I pushed harder in an effort to reach the ship before the shadows returned but I could tell it would be in vain. I could feel the breath of some unknown thing close at my back. I pushed myself harder in an effort to escape. The last thing I saw was the shadows closing back in over the ship and I knew it was too late; too far; too difficult. My screams went unheard by anything human.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Rick Page's funeral service
Here is a link to Rick's funeral service. Roger Allen is doing the service; the speakers were Rick Page, Jr., Parrish McAnelley (Rick's nephew), myself, and then Joe Patch.
http://www.grahamfuneralhome.com/adv_tunnel.php
Copy this link and put it in your browser and hit go.
Select Rick Page's name.
Select ENTER.
Select Webcasting.
Under Past Events in the top middle of the page, select "Watch Webcast".
http://www.grahamfuneralhome.com/adv_tunnel.php
Copy this link and put it in your browser and hit go.
Select Rick Page's name.
Select ENTER.
Select Webcasting.
Under Past Events in the top middle of the page, select "Watch Webcast".
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Visitation for Rick Page
This evening, Eileen and I went to the funeral home for visitation. Rick looked pretty good, I thought, but my youngest daughter said it didn't look like him. I was a bit surprised, so I asked her what she meant. "There's no smile on his face," she said. "He always had at least a little bit of a smile." She was absolutely right - that was the one thing you could bank on with Rick - there would always be a smile. I think maybe there's no smile because there's no Rick there. Rick is with God and I would bet he has the biggest smile on his face that he has ever had.
Rick Page Music
Through the efforts of Sharon Daniels, Beth Patch and Eileen Frost, I have put together a slideshow with some songs Rick sang while at Bethel Baptist Church. The quality of the sound could be better but the quality of his heart was superb. I love you, Rick. I am having trouble getting it to load... probably because I have exceeded the upload limits. I will edit the slideshow and try again later.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Rick Page Is My Friend
Rick Page is my friend.
Now, you might say "Ed, shouldn't that be 'Rick Page was my friend'? After all, he is gone." To which I must emphatically say "No!" I am not denying that Rick is gone but he is still my friend. You see, he is eternal and so am I. As a matter of fact, you are eternal as well, but in your case it might be that 'Rick Page was your friend'.
Let me explain. Rick knows Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. Consequently, he is in the presence of God right now - worshipping, singing and (perhaps) dancing before God. I say perhaps because as far as I know, Rick didn't dance much. However, in the presence of God, I would guess that he would not be able to NOT dance so maybe I should leave the (perhaps) out of the sentence. At any rate, I also know that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior and that means there will come a day when I will also be in the presence of God and I will see Rick there and we will live eternally in the presence of God. What our relationship will be like is not knowable, of course, but I WILL be with him in heaven and I would suspect that we would still be friends although our focus is going to be on Jesus Christ and not each other.
If you do not know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, you will also live eternally but it will be out of the presence of God. While I do not know exactly how that will be, I know that God tells us that it is a place of grief and sorrow. In Matthew (18:9), it says "...fiery hell." That tells me that it will be a place of unbearable suffering - have you ever burnt yourself badly? Then you know the pain associated with hell - at least in part. 2nd Peter (2:4) says "For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but cast them into hell and committed them to pits of darkness, reserved for judgment." That tells me that there will be darkness - whether complete darkness or only partial, it does not say. Revelation (9:2) says: "He opened the bottomless pit, and smoke went up out of the pit, like the smoke of a great furnace; and the sun and the air were darkened by the smoke of the pit." That's a lot of smoke.
So, hell will be hot, hell will be dark and hell will be smoky. Hell will also be without the light of the presence of Jesus Christ; it will not have that "peace which passeth understanding." It will, in other words, be a place that I do not want to experience. But, thanks be to God, I won't experience it. Will you? Will you continue to let your desires, your doubts, your disdain, your arrogance purchase a place for you in hell? Or, will you join Rick and me in the presence of God? It is your choice.
So, you see, Rick Page IS my friend!!
Now, you might say "Ed, shouldn't that be 'Rick Page was my friend'? After all, he is gone." To which I must emphatically say "No!" I am not denying that Rick is gone but he is still my friend. You see, he is eternal and so am I. As a matter of fact, you are eternal as well, but in your case it might be that 'Rick Page was your friend'.
Let me explain. Rick knows Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. Consequently, he is in the presence of God right now - worshipping, singing and (perhaps) dancing before God. I say perhaps because as far as I know, Rick didn't dance much. However, in the presence of God, I would guess that he would not be able to NOT dance so maybe I should leave the (perhaps) out of the sentence. At any rate, I also know that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior and that means there will come a day when I will also be in the presence of God and I will see Rick there and we will live eternally in the presence of God. What our relationship will be like is not knowable, of course, but I WILL be with him in heaven and I would suspect that we would still be friends although our focus is going to be on Jesus Christ and not each other.
If you do not know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, you will also live eternally but it will be out of the presence of God. While I do not know exactly how that will be, I know that God tells us that it is a place of grief and sorrow. In Matthew (18:9), it says "...fiery hell." That tells me that it will be a place of unbearable suffering - have you ever burnt yourself badly? Then you know the pain associated with hell - at least in part. 2nd Peter (2:4) says "For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but cast them into hell and committed them to pits of darkness, reserved for judgment." That tells me that there will be darkness - whether complete darkness or only partial, it does not say. Revelation (9:2) says: "He opened the bottomless pit, and smoke went up out of the pit, like the smoke of a great furnace; and the sun and the air were darkened by the smoke of the pit." That's a lot of smoke.
So, hell will be hot, hell will be dark and hell will be smoky. Hell will also be without the light of the presence of Jesus Christ; it will not have that "peace which passeth understanding." It will, in other words, be a place that I do not want to experience. But, thanks be to God, I won't experience it. Will you? Will you continue to let your desires, your doubts, your disdain, your arrogance purchase a place for you in hell? Or, will you join Rick and me in the presence of God? It is your choice.
So, you see, Rick Page IS my friend!!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Mr. Rick Page
My best friend, Rick Page, died yesterday (July 19th) a little after 3 PM. Although there is not yet an official cause of death, all indications point to a massive heart attack. It's hard to fathom that I will never again on this earth hear him sing, pray, laugh or ask for a cup of coffee. Rick and I were all about a good cup of coffee and good food. I will miss him.
He mentioned last Friday at our small group that he was ready to go. I said that I wasn't ready for him to go. Stubborn man that he was, he won that argument. Most arguments he won simply by being right. Of course, our arguments were never of the serious kind - just the sort of "disagreements" that friends have - which brand of coffee was better than the other; was creamer better than heavy whipping cream, etc. But we agreed mightily on almost everything - God, salvation, family, politics, food, music, fishing, life in general. I will miss him.
At our next to last small group, he cooked the meal - sausage and peppers with penne pasta. What a meal. The Sunday before that, he cooked a soup (which we agreed was NOT specifically a fall/winter thing) for the 2 of us (neither wife wanted any) which was potatoes, sausage, onion, garlic and fresh kale - what is known at Olive Garden as Zuppa Toscana - except that he added crushed tomatoes. In the vernacular of my granddaughters - OMG (which I am careful to let them know that it means "Oh, My Gosh" rather than the one that uses God rather inappropriately, I think)! I will miss him.
Rick went on several mission trips which he thoroughly enjoyed. Unfortunately, I was never able to go with him but I heard of how he used his voice and his guitar to worship God and invite those who did not know Jesus to come join Him. He was always a great addition to any mission team. At our last small group, he played his guitar and sang (the rest of us sang along, too) and it was a rare treat. I told him that I was thinking of learning to play the bass guitar so I could play with him and Jack Piccolo - I won't have that opportunity here on this earth. I will miss him.
Lord, how I will miss him.
He mentioned last Friday at our small group that he was ready to go. I said that I wasn't ready for him to go. Stubborn man that he was, he won that argument. Most arguments he won simply by being right. Of course, our arguments were never of the serious kind - just the sort of "disagreements" that friends have - which brand of coffee was better than the other; was creamer better than heavy whipping cream, etc. But we agreed mightily on almost everything - God, salvation, family, politics, food, music, fishing, life in general. I will miss him.
At our next to last small group, he cooked the meal - sausage and peppers with penne pasta. What a meal. The Sunday before that, he cooked a soup (which we agreed was NOT specifically a fall/winter thing) for the 2 of us (neither wife wanted any) which was potatoes, sausage, onion, garlic and fresh kale - what is known at Olive Garden as Zuppa Toscana - except that he added crushed tomatoes. In the vernacular of my granddaughters - OMG (which I am careful to let them know that it means "Oh, My Gosh" rather than the one that uses God rather inappropriately, I think)! I will miss him.
Rick went on several mission trips which he thoroughly enjoyed. Unfortunately, I was never able to go with him but I heard of how he used his voice and his guitar to worship God and invite those who did not know Jesus to come join Him. He was always a great addition to any mission team. At our last small group, he played his guitar and sang (the rest of us sang along, too) and it was a rare treat. I told him that I was thinking of learning to play the bass guitar so I could play with him and Jack Piccolo - I won't have that opportunity here on this earth. I will miss him.
Lord, how I will miss him.
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